I am feeling the best I have felt for some time. Lately I've been able to get some big things accomplished and there's nothing like feeling productive. My son's baptism is scheduled for Divine Mercy Sunday and my daughter is starting preschool on Monday. I have also been able to spend a little bit of quality time with husband. Knowing they are getting needs met takes such a weight off my mind.
I had seriously considered homeschooling my daughter. But I don't feel it is right for her. She is a very social person, much more so than many of the other girls we have come across at playgrounds and children's museums, etc. It is as if she has a real need for more connection with others and she simply would not get any of that while at home all day with me. And she has been at home with me her whole little life. It's time for her to get out there a bit, meet other children and teachers. You know, there seems to be a real comeback in some Catholic circles for homeschooling. I am not against it. However, I do think there is a fear of the secular world that permeates their perspective. Perhaps not unfounded, but we do live in this world. Your children must figure out how to survive and thrive in it. I cannot look after my daughter and son forever, as one day, I will no longer be here. I also think it is very beneficial for young children to have their own space away from parents, and vice versa. The end goal should be to produce an independent and well-adjusted person who can make it out there in the big, bad secular world. A has such a confidence and ability to make friends wherever she goes. No fear. Not like me at all. Thanks be to God for that. I was a painfully shy girl with many periods of real loneliness as a child. My daughter is going to have a considerably easier time. We all have such high hopes for our children, don't we? They are like raw potential, just waiting to be honed and refined.
It was a challenge finding the right school. I spent hours looking at different places, calling around and going on tours. Maybe that sounds silly, but I do have certain expectations. There were many waitlists that went into summer or she simply didn't meet the age requirement. Many places don't want to deal with potty training and I can understand. A is currently 2.8 years old, but I started potty training her right at her 2nd birthday. She is not perfect, but damn near and it took a lot of PATIENCE to get her there. Someone made the comment to me "I don't know many 2 year olds who are potty trained." Yeah well, this little girl is smart and independent, let me tell you. Anyway, the first school I visited I fell in love with. It's a tiny school that has been there a long time with the sweetest teacher who was so old she reminded me of my grandmother. I loved everything about it and her. But they put me on a waitlist that went into the summer. She will be 3 by then and I wanted to get this going as soon as possible. Montessori only takes 3+. The Catholic schools here are 4+. Ugh. I definitely learned some lessons here: start EARLY if you are serious about a solid preschool program. (No one tells you these things!...) But I was determined to get this going for her and I kid you not, the last school I called, I began to lament about my struggles to find the right place and the director said she was willing to squeeze her in if I could enroll immediately. I toured the school the very next morning and was honestly impressed. It is quite an expensive school because it's private, but I honestly feel it is worth the extra money if my daughter is in a solid program that is meeting her social and cognitive needs. She is excited about starting preschool and keeps saying "Kids! School!"
Of course having her in school five days a week will give me the kind of freedom I have NOT HAD IN YEARS. I'm not really ashamed to say I am also excited! I do still have my own goals and dreams outside of my family. Not just that I want to get back in shape, though it is a priority right now. I hope I don't come across as some aging narcissist, but I do not like feeling like I "let myself go". I don't think any mom actually lets herself go. I think we all strive to do our best in our given situation and sometimes it is a monumental struggle to balance it all. I honestly don't know how homeschooling moms do anything for themselves. My mental health has taken such a hit after having two babies and I am sincerely trying to make positive changes in my life. The gray cloud hanging over me is very very slowly opening up.
"...and I'm feeling good"
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